Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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