so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
zippers are such a cool invention
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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