I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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