You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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