He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Can I color on your dick again?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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