He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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