new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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