So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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