She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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