The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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