My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
