saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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