Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Dear god my vagina.
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