I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
