Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
You left your phone here
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