i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
