Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
