I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
