You're my little dorito
oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
