'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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