Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
