Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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