Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
