my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
