my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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