Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
