my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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