walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
