Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
