You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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