How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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