This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
