dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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