when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize