Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
i think im in europe. pls send help
we're so committed to being not committed
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
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