I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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