I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
even my farts smell like vagina
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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