I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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