It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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