Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
