Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
