When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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