I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
