My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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