Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
