It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize