omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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