I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Randomize