true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
