omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
i used baking grease as lip gloss
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
