She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize