fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
