girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
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