my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
