Who did Billy Mays play for?
I wish i was in the wii world.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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