it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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