After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
