Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
