I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
