I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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