I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
