Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
