Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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