My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
