I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
